The Wannabe Developer’s Manifesto

UPDATE: don't take this post too seriously... i am not targeting any specific individuals or groups of people or anything like that, it's just a commentary on a 'career approach' that i've unfortunately seen more than a few people get away with in past experiences.

I'm sure most of us have been confronted with a 'Wannabe Developer' at least once, probably a lot more even. The Wannabe Developers are such a large group that i think they should have their own manifesto.

I dislike Wannabe Developers as much as anyone, but i'm in a generous mood today so i've taken the liberty to write that manifesto. I can only hope they find it useful.

The Wannabe Developer Manifesto

We are continuously searching for new and improved ways to increase our visibility within our environment, for that is our ultimate goal. We will strive to trick as many people as possible into considering us as experts in our field. In order to achieve that, everything (and we do mean everything) goes. We will lie, cheat and deceive if that is what it takes.

We will never be around once the code goes into maintenance mode, so we do not waste time learning how to properly develop software. If anything, any maintenance problems that occur once we've left will actually improve our standing with the client because everything went great while we were there. Surely, whatever problems that may occur must be related to the inferior capabilities of the people who are currently working on the code.

We will actively engage in Buzzword Driven Development. We have discovered that using many popular buzzwords to convince clients of our capabilities is an extremely effective way into duping managers to think the world of us. This allows us to charge extremely high rates, which leads to bigger cars which in turn increases our standing and visibility among our peers.

When confronted with Real Developers, we will try to fool them by using as many software development pattern names that we can think of. If necessary, we will invent pattern names and then look at the other participants in the discussion in disbelief, as if they should be ashamed because they don't know what we're talking about.

We will take advantage of every chance we get to discredit the Real Developers, in order to convince management to reduce their responsibilities, and assign them to us.

And last but not least, we will accumulate as many software development certifications as possible. Real Developers know that certifications are meaningless, but managers and clients still believe in them and are willing to pay extra for people who have them.

There's a lot of money to be made in this field, and it is our responsibility to get as much of it as possible.

Cheers, The Wannabe Developers